coming

I have this feeling that there is something coming. a feeling that comes usually before a disaster, or even something amazing. I don’t know what is this weird feeling. Its not butterflies in my stomach as they say, its as if these butterflies are dead, and something else is growing inside me, like a tree, a dark tree. I finally reach a pivot point, a turning point in my entire life and this weird feeling strikes. Is is the feeling of change? or is it a feeling of a mysterious happening is taking place in the horizon. Not even my best friend is with me in this. The connection we had together is gone. I feel that I’m alone in this world, very alone, like a dying tree in the forest, surrounded by trees but no tree can reach and help.

I feel that my old depression, the depression I spent five years of my life fighting is coming back like fire running on wood. I feel it, like a birth of an unholy child, the child of Lucifer crowling out of a womb. I feel that its either an end, or a beginning, its a point where things change, or even end.

they say people sometimes sense their death. Is it my death coming near? Five people I know died in one week, is that a sign? I’m sick, my back is killing me, I can’t move out of bed. Is sleeping all the time a reason for this feeling. Why can’t I beat this depression? why did I stop creating like before? why did I lose interest in life? why did I lose all my fights?

I’m a loner, a wolf that can’t live with others. I man of too many faces, a man suffering someone else’s mistakes/desires. I’m empty yet filled with cold rage.

Are my old feelings, my years of misery is catching up with me. But I grew stronger, a man made of steel, a heartless man with no fears, with no people to miss, with no mistakes to regret. No.. I killed my demons, I’m my own world.

whatever is coming, I don’t care, I’ll stand, and the wind will blow anyway.